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2015: A Resting Year
Beginning 2015 was bound to be a quiet year for César Editoras. The company had failed its primary target of profiting through Amor De Mãe and had spent a considerable quantity of money in the Asian Trip, although it sawn a small influx of cash, the result of the Summer Festivals and other concerts. The release of André Lazarra's self titled album Emerge-Me! marked the company's biggest action in the first half of the year. Minor Events and O Gomes' Suicide O Gomes Main Page O Gomes Was Sexually Assaulted ' '''The first happening of the year was a first indication of what would happen a couple of months later. O Gomes, the intern lawyer was severely and sexually assaulted inside Beco do Julião. At first a blood stain caused uproar amongst the members who claimed they did not know what it was. After finding the stained wall André Lazarra was instructed by the authorities to install a surveilance camera the same day. The measure caught o Gomes trying to clean the said stain at night. Facing this disturbing turn of events, Lazarra went to the police station afterwards, having helped in arresting o Gomes'. The intern lawyer did not utter a confession and, being the sole suspect of a crime, was put behind bars for the night. Not enduring the penalty nor the pain of his untreated anus, o Gomes confessed he was molested by a hobo who had already harassed him with a rotten sausage. The intern lawyer had to show the guards his extremely disfigured anus in order to support his claims. A blood sample was compared to the stain in the wall and these matched. The intern lawyer was released at 23:00 of Tuesday and was offered a proctal surgery to be conducted the next day. After being released, o Gomes was trapped in Parque Eduardo VII by "a 2 and a half meter black man" who destroyed the unfortunate César Editoras' employee. His pain made him call an ambulance who drove him to the hospital. O Gomes claimed he did not feel his anus and it was explained to him that the latter was no more. At half past midnight a prosthesis replaced his damaged and nonexistent body part. Because he underwent the surgery before the legally offered one, he had to pay the hospital bill. César Editora's take on the happening was a simple acknowledgement, stating that "this situation is one we never thought would not happen". '''The Fight of Ourique' Lasting three stressfull days, The Fight Of Ourique was a battle between the César Editoras' members and several hobos who invaded the company's HQ. It all began when Viktor Khazyumhov, the cleaning man, shot a romenian intruder with a 12-Gauge shotgun. After the incident, the other company members were left shocked and rapidly exited the HQ through the front door. When the latter was opened, other several hobos were trying to get in, following their companion who was now in many places inside Beco Do Julião. Being understandably upset. these forced their way inside the building and started creating chaos. Viktor Khazyumhov was found drunk and asleep above his gun. The members had to wait until the cleaning man started giving signs of conscience. The second day of the unsettling battle started at midnight. There were about 6 hobos inside the HQ, not counting with the one who was shot. According to the company's members, it was difficult to differentiate the eastern-europeans. The portuguese speaking ones allegedly ate the rotten corpse of the deceased one and were called "pussys" by the others. At 3 o'clock in the morning a baby was heard crying. After some whining a big flesh sound was heard and the crying stopped immediately. No conclusions were ever taken. Although having awaken at 7:00 in the morning, the César Editoras employees did not want to disturb the puke covered drunk whoose gun was finally removed from under him only to threaten the invadors. At 17:00 Khazyumhov got up grabbed his 12-Gauge and took matters into his own hands. O Gomes' Suicide In middle February o Gomes wrote a side note in one of the Website's Updates , in which he told the reader he felt miserable working inside César Editoras, and that he did not believe he would "be working the rest of his days in this opressive company". This confession was decorated with another, then one in which he confessed he was an alcoholic. Saying he would spend his "wage in Dimple", a whisky brand tells us he was already drunk at the time of writing, forgetting he had a wage, something his colleagues knew he always wanted, besides being only an intern. In late February he spoke publicly once again, this time through César Editoras' Instagram Account. He said "weird times are coming. Should I remain in this Hell I´m in or dive into the empty universe of the Unknown". He added "How to escape, that is, if my escape is viable, dignified or a way out properly? The more hazy I become, the more answers I need and less I get. Will I escape, and if so, on time?" This extremely disturbing confession was ingored by his colleagues and essentially almost everyone he knew. André Lazarra stated "he should´nt have done it through Instagram. We have around 14 followers". O Gomes was entering the last stage of his terrible depression and, quoting him, "even worse life". His death came, suprisingly enough, as a surprise to everyone at César Editoras. His neglecting was mainly the reason. At this point in his life, where César Editoras was only preparing Emerge-Me!'s debut album and quite free of work, o Gomes was seldomly called to work and was uninterested in it. No one would ask about him or think of him, as recalled by Duarte. "He was not needed at that moment, but as an intern, every minute is important and he could have come to work if he wanted", said Lazarra. The 24th of February marked o Gomes last day on this earth. After writing his final thoughts with a "brilliant and confusing analogy", as stated by César Editoras´ CEO, called "Hi, It Is o Gomes Again", o Gomes was never seen again and it was never known how he decided to remove his life. It is also not confirmed to this day if he did indeed perfrom suicide. As a last note, o Gomes used an interesting piece of sarcasm, ending his suicide note with "????/??/??-2015/02/24", insinuating that his colleagues did not know absolutely nothing about him, not even his birth date. And so o Gomes' short yet very interesting and full time at César Editoras came to an end, as did his "unbearably pointless life". ????/??/25-2015/02/24 Fabrício's Hiring and other Minor Events On the 17th of March 2015 a job opening for the intern lawyer position was opened, after the loss of o Gomes on the 24th of the previous month. A sensasionalist announcement beared all requirements. Not only requirements were shown, César Editoras' "What You Must Know" Compilation was put at the apllicant's disposal. Very few applications were received, mainly because the applicants were able to read "the small letters instead of the big and appealing ones" (These small letters refered to the events that had happened with o Gomes in February). And was is widely known, Fabrício Tinga was the hired candidate, whose history will be thoroughly examined up front. On the 30th of March of 2015 César Editoras reached its 100th message on the official website. On the 7th of April César Editoras announced that André Lazarra, in no way sponsored by the company had been working for two weeks on a Gastronomical project: The Zomato Account. Its purpose was for César Editoras to become closer to its "Foodies" (a term the company openly detests) readers. On an unregular basis Lazarra posts comments and ratings on restaurants he went to, usually writing large texts on his expereiences. One of the most common reasons for bad reviews is the lack of quality beer or the existance of an overpriced one. A section of the website is dedicated to Lazarra's project, that, as of October 2015 had made the Linguistic Consultant a Level 4 Foodie, with 8 followers. A ®evolutionary Idea was discussed between members of the company, but its dubious moral character demanded a public referendum. The idea consisted of taking advantadge of seniors. Speculating, André Lazarra estimated that in the near future the 65% of the elderly would have access to the internet and, by creting a website faking weather reports, making them sensationalist, the targeted people would spend ridiculous amounts of time "glued to the screen". Thus César Editoras would profit on diaper and other senior related ads. Fabrício's Hiring Fabrício's arrival was announced on the 20th of April of 2015, one month after the vacancy was declared open. Fabrício, brazillian filled all established requirements, more or less. The company stated that it had not yet understood whether the new employee would behave as well, worse or better than O Gomes, who he was replacing. César Editoras also stated they were indeed going to fire him, which turned out to be true, and promised to inform the reader which legal branch would punish the "brazillian's thoughtless actions". Fabrício's introduction was followed by some topics that would help the reader to understand and know better the new intern lawyer and brazillian. The birth place, age, habits (good and bad ones), and also his childhood and travel to Portugal comprised this list. Amongst the strangest topics were: Fabrício allegedly has drowned himself at least once in the adriatic sea, in tense situations he always pulls his revolver, has 15 half brethren and arrived in Portugal after successfully having clung to an airplane's landing gear. As with the former employee Fabrício received no salary, or did but it was 0 euros. Fabrício's official first day was the following one, the 21st of April 2015. Fabrício arrived at the doorstep at 9 o'clock in the morning, but he was unaware of the company's work rituals, specifically the lack of it. He was lucky for Viktor Khazyumhov, janitor, decided to clean Beco do Julião that same day and was able to open the door to the new intern lawyer and brazillian, not having asked any questions nevertheless to Fabrício's amazement. Khazyumhov only pointed to the bathroom door and explained the new employee where he was supposed to go should he need to evacuate. Fabrício, showing the first traces of his character, took Viktor's words as an order. Fabrício's fist contact with a César Editoras' employee happened when, at half past midday André Lazarra entered in Beco do Julião. Fabrício cordially adressed who he thought was the CEO and asked for guidance. Lazarra pointed toward the office and next to a desk, destined to Fabrício. Indifferent to Fabrício's questions ourr linguistic consultant kept working at his own desk organizing and stacking paperwork until the south american stopped trying to communicate with him. After 30 minutes of hard working paperwork Lazarra stared violently at Fabrício who stared back at him. After 2 minutes the stare ended, Lazarra got up, grabbed his things and left using Beco do Julião's back door. When the CEO finally arrived, at half past three in the afternoon, Fabrício, who had had nothing done, was informed that Lazarra had left paperwork on his desk for Fabrício to deal with them. Fabrício was agressively scorned for the first time at his new job, and, not wanting to lose his job, gave in to César Editoras' harsh requirements having spent the whole night working on what he should have on the previous day. After a rough first day Fabrício learnt the most important lesson any César Editoras intern lawyer has to understand: There are no clear tasks, the only one is to finish every single one that was left undone by other members and do every single one the other members did not want to do. All in all, do whatever the others do not want to, except what is exclusive to Khazyumhov, which includes cleaning colossal bum's diarrheas. Fabrício's first big mistake happened only eight days after his start. Due to Lazarra's little time spent at the HQ Fabrício decided to use the linguistic consultant's computer instead of his due to his newer software, targetting mainly iTunes. Fabrício filled the library with "portuguese errors comprised" brazillian music, which made such an advanced piece of technology fail to withstand such retrograde garbage thoughts and shut down immediately. The computer had to be fixed and went away for some weeks. Fabrício's "shitty android" was confiscated and used to post messages online thereafter. Mid 2015 May / June May started with an important event for every single César Editoras member. The crew went to Spain to attend a concert by Micah P. Hinson. César Editoras claimed it felt a connection with the musician, mainly due to the fact that the latter was once bankrupt and homeless, having later become a respectable musician. César Editoras hasn't still seen success through. It is, essencially, a pertinent comparison given the company's youth. On the 13th of May César Editoras defended itself against alleged suggestions that it had provocated the earthquakes in Nepal. Nevertheless César Editoras showed a strong position against the country in question, stating that "it would be better to eliminate the country once and for all". All these allegations that the company was under heavy criticism haven't still be supported by evidence. It was also announced that Lazarra was at that moment working on his second album and also doing covers of Amor De Mãe's songs to be compiled and released as a bonus album. Tensions arose as Lazarra seemed to be on the verge of becoming César Editoras' number one musician. The month's activity ended, before the company vacationed, with a poll bearing the goal of setting a new slogan for the company, resorting to public opinion. The message, posted on the 25th of that month received, as of 2016 19 views, a high standard for the website. The poll results would later reveal a similar care shown by the voters for César Editoras. On the fifth of June César Editoras, through Lazarra, answered a question the company was stunned it was never asked: What is life like inside César Editoras. André Lazarra, not being the CEO (who could be biased), but the first employee to be hired was handed the task. The linguistic consultant based his explanation on the five years he had spent working for the company. Lazarra stated that without him the project would have never happened, but held himself responsible for most of the problems the company had underwent. After a brief introduction, on his position and relevance, André exposed what the question was begging: The whole César Editoras members constitute a core of friends who, treating each other merely on professional terms, produce negative outcomes bearing the lowest of expectations. The employees rarely see each other due to teh lack of work (back then, and now as well). Only Viktor Khazyumhov, janitor, and Fabrício, then intern lawyer would treat each other as equals. It was clear, given earlier experiences, that the crew delegated all his endeavours to the latter. All relationships are simple, for they do not have to be complex, and whenever hardships arise, the intern lawyer position will always be open for someone to occupy it and be crushed under an gigantic and illegal work load. César Editoras was on vacations from the 6th of June until the end of the month, its long summer vacations. The company took a trip to Berlin, with money that was not taxed. The reason was the necessity to build a more cohesive team and improve the mood and motivation for the next semester. On the 30th of June André Lazarra bought Amor De Mãe's copyrights and intended to create an instrumental version of the album, which would, according to him would "maximize the songs' potential", by removing "its obliterating lyrics" and, in a way, "rewriting them". July / August The Company's new slogan was chosen by its readers through a poll conducted on the official website. The winner "César Editoras, for love is also parcially rape" was announced on the eleventh of July. The final slogan was only chosen on a second election, given that it was previously tied with "César Editoras, Pervertion's Skylight" at two votes each. When these met alone on the second poll the last was seriously injured when all five votes were against it. The second round's total quantity of votes was beat the first one by one. Thus, what some call an unfortunate situation was (s)elected. On the 12th of the 7th month of the 2015th year Joaquim Orduras signed with César Editoras. The 33 year old poet signed for 5 years or two books. Orduras admited he had followed César Editoras for some time. "Few are the companies that work like this, for the work, not the profit. I admire its qualities and we both understand each other. I've visited o Beco once and it is just like it was described to me, the reader. It mirrors the qualities César Editoras demonstrates: Grace and a strong fall. With my first work I hope to honour the deal and concede the company and the reader the most magnificant experiences ever by them experienced". On the 17th Fabrício, the intern lawyer, was reprehended through the official website only. The observation, written by André Lazarra stated that "someone, working for a company who shows certain attitudes, as repugnant as the ones shown does not deserve to keep his job". It also included a reprimand to idle behaviours, "When the vacancy was opened (...) we never thought that, receiving 0 euros per month, it would be occupied by someeone lazy". It concluded: "During the following hours we'll be analysing his situtuation, that is extended to ours". The same message was, serving as a pressure instrument or not, used as well to remember o Gomes, ex intern lawyer who allegedly commited suicide in February. The text's credits were awarded to the whole company. In it factual words regarding the man's short experience were mainly utilized, but o Gomes was remembered as someone who accepted his fate as an abused intern lawyer at César Editoras, for he chose to work for it. This last bit was regarded as nostalgic, given the huge gap between the new and old employee. Not necessarily in terms of quality, because that was never something the company worried about, but in terms of ability to accept and promote the illegal labour conditions César Editoras ever so valued. We, at the company, do not believe Fabrício read our advice, our observation. Until today we cannot decide whether that was an improvement on his erratic behaviour or simply not. Whether Fabrício found a dillema or not we'll never want to know, for the intern lawyer was let go too soon. It is importnat to remeber that, at the time of his sacking, Fabrício was admonished for following through his schedule, what was badly seen by his superiors, for Fabrício did it even when there was no work, essencially, most of the his time. Because César Editoras expects its employees to have a crook-like attitude, deceiving your bosses is seen as a good quality, whenever it does not affect them strongly or is petty enough for it to be feasible. When these acts are discovered they can improve the employee's image in his superior's eyes. Fabrício Fired, Lenocínio Baptista Hired Lenocínio Baptista Main Page After some time of speculation and uncertainty, the most likely happened: Fabrício was let go. The latter did not change his behaviour towards his work after he had been warned through the official website. Fabrício entered a heavy argument with André Lazarra, linguistic consultant, and he was unable to state and defend his case because his superior wouldn't let him. The explanation of the sacking is as follows: "During the few months Fabrício has worked for César Editoras he merely followed orders, badly, and removed cookies from the pantry that were not his. However one must praise the fact that Fabrício always met his schedule, independently of having or not work during those lost hours. (...) Fabrício does not fullfill the criteria César Editoras demands: Attaining mediocre results through minimal effort. Fabrício has shown a huge inability to understand the company's philosophy, by always meeting his schedule, strictly following orders (without contestation), yet incompetently, and by never entering in serious conflicts with his work colleagues, revealing a malleable and peaceful-making attitude. On the day Fabrício was fired Lenocínio was immediately hired, in fact, in the same announcement. Of course Fabrício's sacking was for long foreseen, but Lenocínio's hiring brought once again questions regarding César Editoras' behaviour towards its employees. Some argue that Fabrício would have stayed with the company if it hadn't found Lenocínio Baptista. Lenocínio is awarded no salary whatsoever. On his motivation letter, allegedly written hurriedly on a piece of napkin, Lenocínio said his experience had saturated him and was now looking for something that could test him constantly and make him wonder whether his life was indeed worth living, and at César Editoras he saw this wonderful opportunity open itself to him. About Lenocínio Lenocínio is on his early thirties and considers himself moderate and serene, adopting attitudes of rage and lack of control when the occasion deserves. He likes to take long walks on the Trafaria Beach, where everything is calmer and inhospitable. He stresses never having killed a child on the 25th of December of 1993. He is suspected of being an alcoholic and, like André Lazarra often attends services of dubious moral character. His musical tastes are varied but mainly classical music, which he listens to at the office on untold volume. Numa Mercearia Em Monção Emerge-Me Main Page André Lazarra had been working for some time on his second album, due to be released during the Summer, under the linguistic consultant's stage name "Emerge-Me!". On the 16th of July it was announced that Lazarra's self-titled Emerge-Me's successor was imminent. On the 22nd of July the album was announced, the release date being the 19th of the following month. 12 songs comprise the album, the 8th bearing the its name. "O Abade" was its first single and was released, just like the whole album, via Bandcamp. Numa Mercearia em Monção was recorded throughout some months and some "intense sprees". The album picks up where the latter was left. Acoustic Guitar is the main mea, yet less distortion and effects are used, except for the last track "O Frio E Rotativo Lar De Idosos", which follows the tradition Lazarra has set for his albums of releasing an experimental tune in his musical works. The album is freely available for downloading, for an imodest cost of 4 euros. End Of 2015 New Projects César Editoras stated, on the 11th of September, that Por Portugal A Fora, a series stopped in 2013, was to be concluded through a third and final episode, due for September of 2016. Albeit bearing the serie's name, the third episode was not to be included in the same group the other two were in, for the latter comprise the Trilogy, while the new one could be considered as "a new season", even though it will only be formed by a single element. This third episode marks as well the return of the founding member who left the project in 2013 when the second and last episode of the trilogy was being conducted. It was also stated that this episode should be regarded as "scraps", for it will probably be the end of an eternal and timeless series, and all remaining material will have to fit into this one last video. The Album Of The Year's account was started on the 15th of October of 2015 and is not managed mainly by any member, but every single one participates, writing reviews, and thus signing their publications, to indentify the expressed opinion. César Editoras' participation is more focused on rating albums, and creating a ranking on the best albums of all time (as well as some of the worst). Take into consideration that not all albums have been rated, for usually these ratings are discussed between the members before being posted. As of November 2015 the Best César Editoras' album of all time is considered to be Rain Dogs by Tom Waits. On the 13th of December 2015 a poll was started in order to determine the "Most Outrageous Portuguese Name of All Time". After a disappointing campaign with no participation, on the 27th of January 2016, the name was chosen by a casting vote by César Editoras, whose initial endorsement, the name "Mauro", successfully won. A Period of Interventions Throughout the remainder of the year César Editoras kept itself busy by intervening in Society through texts instead of direct action. César Editoras' first crucial intervention occured on the 31st of October, when it seriously criticized Humanity in general but specifically the corrupted youth and its behaviours, believing that, given the way things are, "we're way past the rubicon". The second Intervention was motivated by the unstable political situation Portugal faced in November, when what some might call a "Coup d'Etat" occurred. The company, not particularly enraged, held its widely known political position of a strong Right Wing controlling party. Therefore it was needed to divide the argument in two parts, "The Problem" and the "Final Solution". The Problem essentially consisted of the Outrageous Lie, which was inflicted to the voters and the Big Will Of Power, that left the accused bereft of dignity. All in all César Editoras predicted that nothing that happened would last long and the wrongful actions would end in political suicides and. An interesting metaphor was used, and is as follows: "The deputy now finds himself inside a car that has jumped and is in direct route to a building, while below a freezing river flows. The deputy has two options. Either he stays in the car and dies immediately or jumps to the freezing river, suffering a lot, yet saving himself". The Final Solution, proposed by César Editoras, would be naturally allowing an authoritarian leader the right to command the country, with an iron fist that would not allow such "baffooneries as these happen". On the 17th of December the company made its last relevant intervention on a tender subject, rape. The company supported "Fat" Becky Cooper's idea that women who didn't want to be sexually assaulted should become obese and, therefore, undesirable. "At César Editoras we've worked from early on with the topic, having undertook many practical investigations on it. Thus, we will approach the contents we find helpful for the discussion". César Editoras defended that being called "assaultable" is a compliment and even though it could transpire weakness and a low self-esteem,"it is precisely that low self-esteem that impedes the victim to acknowledge the compliment". Continuing the company stated that a rapist should profit from his attack, no matter what punishment he knows he will be facing. Therefore, by attacking the victim and later being severely punished it is infered that the assaulter would not have done it if the victim were not deemed extremely valuable. Still, such a compliment is seen as a very rare situation by César Editoras, given that usually rape is motivated by "sleep, inebriation, fragility, mental incapacity, blind belief in in an all-powerful God, etc." Ending the argument in a personal note the company personally attacked "Fat" Becky Cooper for gaining attention on such a subject. On a side note, given the companies views on the subject, it can be argued, wrongly nevrtheless, that something has changed. Throughout the Intervention César Editoras states that even though it condemns these actions, it acknowleges that in one or another occasion it might have, unwillingly, provoked them or allowed them. In their words, "motivated" them.